Cat Table Manners

Since Clara is still continuing that ridiculous boycott of cats and destroying her own political career, I, Fluffy Cattius must take over and say something. This ‘happy dog’ post has been idle for much too long. There is so much potential in a political blog, but before I take over the world I must make a solid platform.

And since you people obviously don’t know beans about table manners, I have taken it upon myself to explain the finer points of cat etiquette. I am a cat, and I have been taught by several cats, many of whom think that they are better than me. But don’t worry, we know that every cat lives on an alternate plane than the other, and “cat-to-cat conflicts” are merely one cat overstepping his bounds, and the other one whipping him, or him whipping the other cat. But the necessary point is that I am a very cultured cat, and I will teach you what to do.


  • When you are with company, make a statement of who is the host of the meal. The job of a guest is to eat all the food and the job of the host is to nonverbally convince him to stop. This is a centuries old tradition by cats and is practiced all over the world.
  • If that company is cat, make sure that the cat knows that this is not their table but that you are graciously sharing, and therefore they should leave some. If they are uninvited, your job is still to be gracious and to teach them their place, so that they do not make the same embarrassing mistake again. Some brief hissing and growling usually works gorgeously.
  • If your company is human, make sure to acknowledge them with a swish of your tail and not too frequent glances up at them. If at first you don’t feel comfortable with their surveillance, let them know. They’ll get the picture and you can get used to them at your own pace. But don’t worry, there’s no chance of them taking our food because they don’t like it. To tell the truth most cats don’t either.
  • The food quality at any dinner party must be worth your while. If a cat serves below-par food, make sure that your objection is voiced. Their job is, after all, to serve you; just don’t expect much result. Cats as a rule ignore things.
  • If you are eating with someone you like, but need to keep under dominance, a little fang-hold on the back of the neck while they’re eating is in order. This is not an aggressive act, merely a gesture of domain.
  • If all else fails: ignore them. Cats don’t care anyway.

ignoring you

Senate Cafeteria’s bean soup challenged by bill

joe donnellyWASHINGTON – Senator Joe Donnelly (D-IN) today called for chocolate chip cookies and artichoke soup in a controversial floor speech, a push for legislation which Republicans deem “wholly inconsistent” and “against everything the Founding Fathers intended.”

Even the President is unsure of the bold move—which most Democrats are afraid to back so close to November.

“Chocolate isn’t good for you, because Michelle said so,” the President said in a statement to the press, “I don’t like artichokes either.”

Senator Rand Paul quickly responded to Donnelly’s new bill.

“We have to think about our children, our grandchildren, our staffers … the generations after us. They do not deserve artichoke soup. This is injustice,” he began, “The Founding Fathers did not intend for America to become what you suggest. Artichokes are un-American.”

Mike Lee, of Utah, is already entertaining the notion of an amendment to replace the chocolate chip cookies with Jell-O.

Despite the President’s hesitation to support the bill, over 55 Senators have expressed that they might vote for such legislation.

“I think this would show that we’re okay with trying new things. It’s time we broaden our horizon and try some new things at the Senate Cafeteria,” Donnelly mentioned, “Bean soup is getting old.”

Guns And Sandwiches

If guns kill people, people must be salami.

People say guns kill people. So if I eat salami, does that make me a sandwich?

guns and sandwichesThe more I see, there is more on television that promotes violence, sexual immorality, drug use, child abuse, rape, abortion, and murder. Television sometimes affects viewers more than real-life encounters do. Is it because of us Christians?

On T.V. , They make us out as the bad “cult” religion. That makes me furious, especially when I am trying to teach in a world where T.V and rumors about the christian faith portray us as oppressive cultists. Far from it.

When the top topic is”Who can make the bloodiest, goriest, most sexually provocative movie?” Guns allow me to protect myself and family from society’s way of thinking. It helps me try and stop the world from affecting my family.

If you really want to be technical (which many people don’t like), how many Christian shooters have shot up a school?

None. I have not seen a Christian on this entire world that has killed an innocent.

Some television centers I know demote the act of praying in the name of Christ, but they in a heartbeat can promote gay marriage, terrorism, and abortion! When I hear something about a Christian owning a gun , I smile. I smile for the simple fact that I know where it is going to be held, what it is being used for, and why.

There is a big difference between a fanatic with a gun and a Christian protecting Himself/Herself from those fanatics. When lawmakers refused to reverse the ban on prayer from school, do you know what I did? I prayed. When people bring sin into television broadcasting, do you know what I did ? I turned it off.

When a Christian buys a gun, do you know what I do? I let them. In Proverbs 27:19 it says “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.”When someone has a gun, I don’t look at the contents of the weapon, I look at the contents of the soul. The soul has the greatest quality of a person and all you have to do is look. A gun doesn’t kill a person. neither does the bullet. It is the person who pulled the trigger, and lingers underneath.

Bulletproof vest, or Jesus Christ?

I believe in guns and religion but I would never own one, I need none. I watched a movie called Revelation Road, (Side note : If you haven’t watched it ,you should!), David A.R. White came into a store trying to sell a bulletproof vest. The store clerk said ” I don’t need one, now you tell me would you take rest on a thin plate of metal or Jesus Christ?” David stood there naming the characteristics on the vest, and as he spoke he was interrupted. “There is no reason why this flimsy metal can withstand the power of God!” And that is what we should do, we shouldn’t rely on guns, because we have the greatest weapon of all! And that is Jesus Christ .

I have been planning a trip to Uganda, and my eight friends and I will be leaving to Africa. My little brother (who is 14) told me ” You are going to die if you go to Uganda without a gun,” I laughed at that. I know that if I die, I did it doing what I loved and possibly saving someone. It is not the fact of being afraid of dying, it is failing a mission of God that scares me. I told Him “I am a peacemaker, I am here to show love and kindness to all my brothers!”

In Matthew 25:40 it says “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, what you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.'” When you treat other people with love, you treat Jesus with it as well. I don’t need a gun because preaching requires two things, your Bible and your voice. That’s all. To my audience that listens to my preaching, never choose a gun over an opportunity to preach. A gun cannot withstand the power of God!

I am not saying to start preaching to a guy with a gun at your head, but in some cases it actually works. In Georgia, A gospel song saved a 10-year-old Atlanta boy from his kidnapper. Willie Myrick said he was in his front yard and bent down to pick up money when somebody grabbed him and threw him in a car.“He told me he didn’t want to hear a word from me,” Myrick said. That’s when Myrick began to sing a gospel song called “Every Praise.” The kidnapper started cursing and repeatedly told Myrick to shut up, but he wouldn’t. He sang the song for about three hours until the kidnapper let him out of the car.

Now are you a sandwich ? I know I am not. SO what would you put rest in ? A bulletproof vest, or Jesus? Keep in mind: the bulletproof is not reliable all the time, and in close range it never works at all. SO is it the vest? Or Christ?

Because a gun doesn’t kill people, it is the person with the gun that does. Are you a sandwich?

P.S. Thanks for listening,and I hope you guys what I got so far.Thank you and God Bless.

Which Example to Follow?

If politics is show biz for ugly people, the ugliness is referring to politicians’ behavior, not their appearances.

Recently I attended a political club’s regular meeting, and not to my surprise I heard platitudes regarding “the next generation.” One speaker mentioned that she hoped young people would see the group as an example, something to be continued and imitated.

The situation she hopes for is far from reality.

During the more of less three years I have been involved in elections, the people I have met—not just politicians—say one thing and do another. Moral strength and principled decisions are not what I see when I look at party politics.

They preach open-mindedness and shut out their own. They promise change, and then promptly assimilate into the business-as-usual world of cronyism on Capitol Hill. They claim to have a backbone, yet the first trial that faces them causes them to not just give up hope, but to revert to the other side altogether.

I have witnessed as grown men and women spend their days venting their disdain for humanity (and in particular candidate such-and-such) on social media; as supporters arguing for a “pro-family” and “Christian” candidate allude to vulgarities and curse words in their debates with their opponents; as members of the political club I mentioned earlier explode into ferocious animals when someone dares to criticize their “precious.”

Don't criticize their "precious."

Don’t criticize their “precious.”

Over and over again I have observed the endless locomotion within party politics, as one desperate attention-seeker after another scrambles to win a title or seat. I watch as the local yokels polarize into groups based not on principles, or on issues, but rather, on the likelihood of a candidate to win the election.

The wish to be “in” with the right crowd and the compelling desire to be on friendly footing with the next congressman, judge, mayor, or councilman makes their minds for them—the man with the lead in the polls is the man they will back.

This, simply put, is why many young people (including myself) are not interested in following the example of modern party politics. Backstabbing, hypocrisy, and half-truths are nothing to take pride in, nor are they virtues to imitate. Yet sadly, the next generation will likely become worse political monsters than their parents are now.

Mimicking establishment leaders contributed much to the national crisis we’re facing today; it’s long past time to stop following in the footsteps of policy failures and to refocus our efforts on meaningful pursuits—not just title-chasing and inwardly-focused, self-destructing party politics.


treehugginhippieloadofbullmanureLately I’ve been seeing lots of cars with bumper stickers reading Coexist. 

The word is written with symbols that represent a diverse realm of belief systems.  The Star and Crescent represent Islam. The Peace Symbol represents Pacifism. The E for marriage equality. The Star of David for Judaism. The I topped with a Pentagram for Paganism. The Yin-Yang for Taoism. And of course, The Cross represents Christianity.

Taking a step back and studying this concept reveals how truly ignorant it is.

First off, Islam states that Jews, Gays, and Christians should be killed. Also according to Islam, Pacifists, Pagans, Taoists, and every other religion or belief system must convert or die.  Pacifists are accustomed to peaceful protests so they don’t stand a chance against those who want to kill them. Homosexuality is detestable to nearly all religions which makes it incompatible with Christianity, Islam, and Judaism.  Judaism has always had and always will have opposition from every corner of the world; be it Nazism, Islam, or ancient kings trying to conquer Old Testament Israel. Pacifism will almost always support Islam over Judaism.  Paganism and Taoism are statistically insignificant but are needed to complete the sticker.

Christianity is the main target. Though it opposes all of the others, it harms none of them.

In short, believing that we can all “coexist” is complete lunacy.

It seems this country and many others have become sanctuaries for lunatics.



A Time to Die…

Let’s face it, death isn’t a fun topic. It scares us, it handicaps us, it changes us. We can’t stay the same ‘happy’ people after we have seen the death of another human being. Death is a shock that stops our frivolous lives in their tracks. There are those who try to ignore death, going to ridiculous lengths to try to hide the effect of death.

But death is always there, unavoidable, unstoppable, especially at the battle field. A more ruthless place for death’s rampage has never been invented. It has to be true that death was never part of God’s plan. It reminds us that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

The horrors of battle scars whoever comes near it. The soldiers that fight in the battles went through unthinkable hardship and training, but some still didn’t make it past the battle. There were friendships made and broken, there were families that lost one, two, even three of their number. But the brave soldiers continued on because they knew what had to happen and believed that they were doing the right thing.

Yet we forget. We spend our time trying to forget, but we shouldn’t try so hard to pretend it didn’t happen. There were men and women who were born, had dreams, families, and plans for the future, yet heard duty’s call, went to the battle and died. There was a hole made in each family where death took its toll.

Remember the fallen. Don’t forget those who gave everything for their country.

A Time to Live….

sunflowersThrough my limited experience I have seen soldiers: young ones going off or returning at the airport, and older ones, who I have seen pictures of and now see, different, older, but still here.

I’ve never thought of those older than me as once soldiers. Before yesterday, I probably never would have. But two things happened. The first was a tape of my mom singing. It was about a year before she met my dad, and she confided in her church about being uncertain, just like me, and wondering if she’d ever get married. My Dad had never seen that part and it tickled him greatly.  Younger Mom talked about everyone getting a “friend” at college but her, but Dad was secretly happy because that meant he didn’t have competition.

The second thing was that we went to a retirement home for Memorial Day, to attend a service for those whom they had known who had died. There was a picture in the hallway of a young woman with curly hair, and standing next to it was an older woman with a baseball cap. They were the same person. It was a revealing thought.

We read about history as kids, because that’s our job. But waiting, and falling into twilight, are those who Lived history. They saw those battles with their eyes. They met those people made immortal by the sands of time. They die, and the younger generations forget them. Our History, our Heritage, slips through our fingers. May it not be so!

Though the soldiers who were once warriors are slipping, they are not yet extinct, and they are survived by family. But Memorial Day is not for the living but for the dead. Or is it? Maybe Memorial Day is a wakeup call to the living, to heed the dead but to also remember those who are fading. There are so many of us who do not remember nor do we care what happened. There are others of us who care, but instead prefer to invent stories, instead of listening to the real ones that our elders have to tell us.

Psalm 71:17-18 has this to say. “O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.” This is the older soldier’s prayer, and it should be ours as well.

Remember those who have died. But do not forget the living. Each person who dies in anonymity is a little piece of history lost. Do not squander our history for silly things.  Memory: that is our Memorial.

Never Alone

Never alone

There are times in our lives when we think ” Where is God? Where is His Love?Are you still there?” And that is the point I want to work with today! We view the Good and thank Him for only the Good, than we turn our backs on Him the moment something bad occurs.The Devil wants to test your faith in God, He sees the unanswered questions and lingers doubt inside. And with those hidden agendas in Evil’s mind,we are blinded by the good God gives us and the Bad. God brings the love in an everyday World, and because God is omnipresent–He is here, there, and everywhere all at the same time–He can share His love to people in the Past, Present, and the Future.

Where is God?

The main conflict we face with in life is “Where is God?”, and at most times most Christians lose faith in God because we don’t feel He is there. BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE! Even before you were born God expected you in His Kingdom, when we ate the apple in Genesis 3:7, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”

God had given us a test we blamed on the Devil and on Adam and Eve, but it was also a trial for a bigger purpose.When we ate the Apple we began to see the world and become ashamed, but we also had the ability of free will! The ability to choose God or–shun Him.

And to those who have accepted Christ as your Savior, He has blessed our Hands to do Greater Works than HIM! In John 14:12 it says “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.”This tells that you will be able to do all things Jesus did, but greater when you do it in His name. God gave us the gift to evangelize people in His name, and that is one thing God smiles at everyday.

He gets to welcome people who willingly choose Him. And that is a brilliantly hidden gift we never saw. And as for the well being of God I must inform you that He is here. God is in every single one of us, whether we choose to see Him or not. He is in every Brother and Sister in Christ and is spreading everyday against the ongoing battle of a new Revelation!

God is a small light in every one of us and shines from every small stone in the world. God said in a Bible verse (I am not yet familiar with it) said “If all people turned away from me then the rocks will sing my praise!” And that is the power of Christ and when we become one body of God we begin to spread His word in every situation on the planet! God is here to stay in every piece of us and when you pray to Him. He listens. Everyday He makes sure that you have a truly Blessed day with many opportunities affront to show you that you are never alone. (And for the people who have bad days keep reading for more teaching.)

Where is His Love?
We are always going to be conflicted by the question ‘Where is His Love?’, from what we see on a daily basis in the news of school shootings, storms, mass panics,  earthquakes, murders, suicides, bombings, hurricanes, and volcanoes we see the pain of this world all the time. So where is the love ? In Psalms 13:5 it says ” Though I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in you salvation.” Everybody takes solace in the place of horror,but they fail to acknowledge the beauty of God’s UNFAILING love! We see the pain but where is the Amazing Grace I hear so much about? If you truly believe in God and you know that He is King of Kings then you can be patient and see His miracles unfold. In a couple of examples as followed by this year! These are true stories.
“Hours before the bank foreclosed on Granview Baptist Church in Morganton, North Carolina, an anonymous person paid off $345,000,a huge portion of the church’s loan.”
“Ruth Graham – daughter of Dr. Billy Graham – Some years ago after an outdoor church picnic, our pastor’s wife discovered the diamond from her engagement ring was missing. It had fallen out. Where? When? It was anybody’s guess. We paused to pray and ask for God to help us locate the small diamond. I am afraid none of us had much faith that we would ever find it. Everyone stopped what they were doing and began to look. We went through the grass, the garbage, the sink, cooking pots — everything — with a fine-tooth comb. We did it all again the next day. To no avail. The small diamond was gone. We carried on with the week. It rained. The grass was mowed. But we kept an eye out – just in case. A week later my daughter was playing and spied something sparkling in the grass. She thought it was a rhinestone from her baby doll’s outfit, but she looked a bit closer, picked it up from the grass and dirt. It didn’t look like anything from her baby doll. She brought it inside to ask what I thought. It was the lost diamond!”

DO you see yet? We see the bad in all the world yet we can’t even see the ‘diamond in the grass’ in our lives. God gives us miracles every day, and in those miracles hides His infinite love. He is always here to show the love we’ve missed all along ! God gives us the ability to create new life and new beauty so that His love can be spread, (Another Gift), He has blessed upon us numerous of gifts like singing, music, loving, running, driving, jumping, and so much more.
In the Book of Job, God let Satan test Job’s faith by taking everything Job held dear! He continuously was tested and in every situation, He humbly fell to His knees in worship! And that is the type of love we should show every day.

Long story short, Job got rewarded for His turmoil and got His to see the beauty and love God can bestow in all of us .

Are you still there?

The problem with many people in Christ is the feeling like nobody is listening,and sometimes you have that message in your head always lingering around “ARE YOU STILL THERE?”, that question is always reverberating in your head and amazingly this message is heard not only in your mind, but also on T.V. , the new way of entertainment is a way of downing God and pushing away His existence.

The messages people spread are always dissing and throwing the reasons God is not here, but they forget that even if we all doubt God’s existence, the rocks will sing God’s praise . The message in the Bible will always contradict the ways of today because people in this new world push the word from the world.

God is here but people are pushing Him away at every point. God is alive! And on my recent thought I said that “God lives inside of you!” and He does. He is hearing our praise in every crack and crevice in the Earth! You are the light that proves God is still here. Every day you sing His praise is another day that proves that He is alive, and is showing that daily and in every situation we are never alone!

P.S . : I hope you guys enjoy my first blog and column and I send you love and blessings in Jesus’ name, Amen!

Open Letter to Politicians

This letter was submitted by a reader. 


Hello. This letter is for all the politicians out there that are counting on our votes as citizens.

Stop it! Obviously, only one of you is the best for the job, and only one of you can be elected. But the competence of a candidate has nothing to do with the propaganda that his campaign committee spits out. We the people are tired of all the negative printing and back-biting that we get in our mailboxes every day.

Not only does it become tiring to listen to and to read, it also implies the wrong things about people. Please remember, politicians, that your opponents are still people, people made in the image of the creator, and that we are people as well. If we were machines that were swayed by the volume of advertisements we get, this tactic would work, but as it is this literature gives us the impression that you don’t trust us to make our own decisions, and that you think you must spoon-feed your message to us in little, brightly colored papers.

Remember, politicians, that if someone is old enough to vote, that person has the responsibility to check the facts for themselves. Though some of the facts are necessary to vote wisely, saying the same things over and over only makes you sound like parrots. Another thing you might have forgotten is that people hate arguments, especially arguments between grown adults who should know better. If you can’t work it out between yourselves, don’t send hate mail to everyone in the district. It really isn’t our fault that you can’t get along. Besides, all this negativity will start to turn off the voters, and they might end up voting for your opponent even if they liked you better in the first place.

Then again, these arguments aren’t gonna clear up on election day. Ok, so you’ve won. But what if you’ve won by spreading lies about others? Is that really victory? Is all the muckraking worth it?

Lastly, it’s the phone calls. How you people get our numbers is beyond me, but since you don’t like telemarketers yourselves, why do you think we want all these ads? If we’re really interested, we’ll get your e-mails, if not, you’re wasting your effort anyway.

Please stop attacking one another. All is fair in love and war, but in this carnivorous profession someone is going to get hurt. I don’t know if you candidates are Christians, but if you are, please act like them. How do you get your point across? Speak the Truth in Love.

I’ll endorse no candidate here. That is the public’s responsibility, and though you can help them along, don’t try to do it for them. We’re the ones voting.


A concerned voter

(Used by permission)

Irrational Geographic: New Revelations about Ancient Egypt


Archaeologists in Cairo have made new discoveries that might change the face of history. According to Dr. Asyut Aswan, an archaeologist who led a team of researchers down to investigate ancient tombs of some merchants, they have discovered ancient references to Global Warming and Pollution.

Aswan released his findings at a press conference in Luxor. His people found ancient inscriptions in the tomb showing pictures of the sun and of the desert. According to his leading Egyptologists, there are hieroglyphics detailing that the desert was hot and the sun was bright.

“This must mean something important, because they wouldn’t write what everyone knows. Obviously, these inscriptions must mean that there was some sort of excessive heating epidemic in Egypt at this time. This discovery might prove that climate change is true, because of the intelligence of the ancients.”

However, Cici LeBlanc, an archaeologist intern that is currently on a dig in South America, wrote to us that she disagreed. “Often these tomb reliefs show scenes from everyday life. We see paintings of hunting and of farming, and we don’t think anything of it. Suddenly, Dr. Aswan finds a painting of the sun on the desert and assumes that it means something different.” Miss LeBlanc’s views are not widely held, however, as most leading scientists are on the side of Dr. Asyut.

Dr. Asyut sent out a press release Monday, in which he dismissed any doubts by Miss LeBlanc. “The Ancients were very brilliant. They built the pyramids without any power tools or modern cranes. We have every reason to believe that these reliefs depict climate change, because they were so advanced that they must have come to the same conclusions we have.” He also stated that Miss LeBlanc’s claims were unsubstantiated because “she simply hasn’t been in the field long enough to understand the true nature of Archaeology.”

If these tombs do indeed show climate change to be an issue, historians might finally be able to unlock the mysteries of ancient Egypt. According to History Weekly, there is a model being developed that fits climate change as one of the factors for the “plagues” attributed to the deity of the Hebrews in Exodus.

Dr. Aswan says that his purposes are purely scientific in searching out ancient mentions of climate change. “I only wish to show the world how the theory of Climate Change has been a founding factor in world history, and that those who speak against it don’t know what they are talking about.”


The Lumberton Outpost Endorses Ben Streusand

outpost endorses



Dear Reader,

President Ronald Reagan said that the “most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

Government “help” has resulted in a $17 trillion debt crisis, an imploding welfare state, a foreign policy meltdown, a massive failure in public education, and a shrinking—not growing—economy.

For far too long, representatives have bowed at the altar of special interests, taking away their thirty pieces of silver at the expense of our inalienable God-given rights.

We need a candidate who is willing to stand up, show up, and speak up in Washington. Agreeing with our cause is no longer enough. We need someone who is willing to fight for our cause.

For this reason, Ben Streusand is the candidate who deserves our votes on May 27th.

During his decade-long tenure as Texas chairman for Americans for Prosperity, he demonstrated a profound understanding of political matters, economic situations, and the Constitution, as well as the principles of common law and Judeo-Christian moral fundamentals that have shaped the fabric of our nation’s being.

Mr. Streusand has endorsements from reliable conservative organizations including Gun Owners of America, Tea Party Express, the Texas Home School Coalition, and Conservative Republicans of Texas, along with individuals including Peggy Venable, Tom Craddick, Robin Armstrong, and Terry Lowry.

Mr. Streusand is fiercely pro-life, and a champion of the right to keep and bear arms. If elected, he will oppose the Obama administration, House leadership, and anyone or anything else that threatens Americans’ freedoms. He is not interested in scoring political points—he will fight to restore our Constitution, for Texas, for our district, and for our liberties.

We need a candidate who is accountable, transparent, and passionate for the cause of freedom—and that candidate is Ben Streusand.


Rachel Clark



Parental Rights: Streusand vs. Babin

President Ronald Reagan said, “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.”

When the people’s representatives cease to fight, freedom ceases to be. In a famous quote by Edmund Burke, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

“We stopped fighting back against the left’s attacks,” said Liz, of Lumberton, “Freedom ends wherever the apathy starts.”

Who has what it takes to stand against Washington and its invasion of local schools and to stand up for home school freedoms and parental rights?

Who has what it takes to stand against Washington and its invasion of local schools? Who can we trust to stand up for home school freedoms and parental rights?

With the advent of Common Core, the Department of Education’s antics, sweeping education “reforms,” and standardized testing, private schools and home schooling families are faced with the possibility that the educational freedoms they campaigned for, fought for, and sometimes even faced legal consequences for could disappear.

In the similar battle for parental rights, liberals are forever trying to gain the upper hand; through political tools like CPS, they might one day succeed. Even in Texas, educational freedoms and parental rights are under fire: CSCOPE revealed a threatening trend in public schools’ curriculum, while legal situations including the Tutt family’s plight show that the battle for a family’s rights is waging even at the local level.

As John Philpot Curran said, “The condition upon which God hath given liberty to man is eternal vigilance.”

Unfortunately, not many representatives in Washington are vigilant.

Every session, hostile congressmen introduce bills that would abolish academic freedom as we know it.

As the Texas Home School Coalition’s (THSC) President, Tim Lambert, has mentioned numerous times, candidates who agree with freedom are no longer enough; we need those who are willing to fight for freedom.

One of the crucial races in our area is the runoff between Congressional candidates Ben Streusand and Brian Babin. While Streusand opposed CSCOPE as Texas chairman of the pro-home schooling organization Americans for Prosperity, Babin’s record and position on the detailed aspects of academic freedom and parental rights are unclear at best.

Streusand and Babin are examples of the fault line in the Republican Party: tea party vs. establishment. The difference between Streusand and Babin is the difference between a vocal, passionate representative and a silent, behind-the-scenes Washington shadow who exists to occupy a chair.

Streusand has received the endorsement of numerous pro-home schooling organizations, among them a difficult-to-obtain stamp of approval from the THSC.

While Babin would sit quietly in his Capitol Hill office building, Streusand intends to fight from the very start, beginning his war on cronyism and corruption with a vote against John Boehner as Speaker of the House.

Streusand—who has made it painfully clear where he stands on issues like the Department of Education, state-mandated testing, and CPS overreach—is willing to fight for Texas from the minute he takes office.

At this point, voters should ask themselves not just what a candidate believes, but also if he will fight for those beliefs. Brian Babin (despite having home schooled for a few years) doesn’t have what it takes to stand up for Texas home schooling families or for their parental rights.

As President Reagan said, freedom is never more than one generation from extinction—if on May 27 voters choose Streusand to be their representative, perhaps oppression can be held at bay for another two years: Streusand is the champion for home schooling rights that Congressional District 36 needs.



Chosen Ones: Open Wounds

planning 2Davis unfolded the map and tacked it to the table. Gino moved closer and began to laugh. “You have a reason for laughing?” Davis asked, and Promise barked. “Do you have a pen?” Gino pointed to several different spots on the map. “That goes there, and that doesn’t exist, and there…” Davis pushed his hand away. “Look, I already said the map was terrible. But it’s all I have, unless you want to make one for me.” Gino shrugged. “Sure. I’ll make you a map. I’ve been all over this land with my sheep, and I know where everything is.”

Davis laughed. “I’m sure you have. Now, unless you can think up a map in a few seconds, I’ll use this useless one. Let me see. Here we are, and here is Lithia, the kingdom to the north.” Caro was interested. “I never knew that Agur was so big! What’s this here?” “Those are the swamps.” Gino volunteered, stifling another laugh. “Though they aren’t half that large.” Davis sighed. “Here is the pen. Make your map, and please stop distracting me!” Gino smiled and said nothing, for fear that he would begin to laugh again.

Caro looked at the map again. “Where is the capitol from here?” “Not far, in distance, but far below us. We’re up really high, and these mountain ranges go on all the way to the Comeros, to the east.” Davis pointed to a spot on the map, then frowned. “All right, shepherd. The capitol is in the wrong place too. Who made this map?” He looked at Gino, who had been writing, but had stopped to rub ink off of his hand. “Maybe we should wait until yours is done.”

Opal spoke up for the first time since the map had been brought out. “Gino, what news is there in the village?” Gino rubbed his head with his right hand. “Maybe this isn’t the best time. It has to do with soldiers.” “I don’t mind.” Davis protested. “Say what you will.” Gino looked up at him. “All well, then. There are rumors of raiding parties destroying the border cities of Lithia. They stopped talking when I came closer so they could jeer at me, but I heard what they said before. It’s no secret that the soldiers doing it were wearing green and black.”

Opal drew in her breath sharply. “Nya is attacking Lithia? But this will mean war!” “Aye, and forced conscriptions into the army. At least it does not touch me. But Nya would be foolish to rouse Lithia, with the relations between us very strained by her takeover. We would be crushed. Unless…” Gino stopped writing and sighed. “Unless what?” Caro asked, fascinated by the political intrigue being spoke of.

“Unless you were heading the army.” Davis finished. “Yes, there were rumors that someone would someday come and lead the army, someone even stronger than Nya. But these rumors were not well-spread and were discouraged. But come, we’re running out of light. We need to make a plan.”

Davis, Gino and Caro figured out a scheme, with Opal chiming in when needed. They decided to pull back and to run, so that Nya would be distracted. “If she pulls her soldiers from the border, those people will be safe.” Davis said. “But we won’t be. We’ll really have to run fast.” “We have to do this, Gino.” Opal chided, putting down her needles. “There are more people at risk here than you and I.”

The lamp began to waver, and the fire was choking. “Promise, get some wood.” Opal commanded, and the dog trotted out the door. “It’s time to rest.” Gino yawned, and looked at his hand, which was as black as his hair. Opal found some blankets, and she went to bed. Gino and Caro spread the blankets on the floor, and Davis left for the night.

“Gino, how large was my family?” Gino had been sleeping, and he woke up with a start. “What? Aye. You have…what did you say?” Caro repeated his question, and there was silence. Caro was almost sure that he had fallen asleep, when he heard Gino’s soft voice. “Why do you wish to know? Some wounds shouldn’t be reopened.” Caro didn’t like the sound of that.

“Well, it’s my family. I don’t know anything about them. I never met them, so I guess…” His voice trailed off, and neither one said anything for a few seconds. “You had…five brothers, and three sisters. Two sisters were already married when you were born. Then, ah, the oldest was a boy, the heir. There were a few brothers here and there, after the sisters there were two boys and then Nenya–Julietta. Then two more boys and you, and you also had nieces and nephews, some older than you, even.”

Caro’s hopes rose. Surely, with so many of them, Nya couldn’t have destroyed them all. “What happened to them?” Gino didn’t say anything for a while, and he struggled to find words to say what he wanted. “Your older sisters married into the royal families of Comeros and Lithia. But Nya, well, Nya came and killed everyone in the castle. The king, queen, and all of the sons, except you.” Caro grabbed a handful of the blanket and crushed it in his fist as tears came to his eyes.

“But my sisters and their children were safe in the other countries.” Caro said, hopefully. Gino said nothing. “Nya couldn’t have gotten them, without being destroyed.” “Nya had to make sure that no one could claim the throne.” Gino said softly. “Just days after the royal family died, Nya waylaid the princesses and…” Caro pressed his hands on his ears, and Gino stopped. “I’m sorry. I said that these wounds shouldn’t be reopened, and then I opened them, foolish!” He glared at the ceiling.

His voice softened. “You’re the only one left, Prince Caro. You’re the only one who can change anything. Comeros and Lithia were just as devastated as Agur, but there was nothing anyone could do. Now Nya is trying to take them for good, and that is why we must stop her. That is why we will run.”

Congressman Investigated After Bluegrass Gangs Scare Voters in KY

Voter suppression has become a serious problem in states north of Kentucky.

Voter suppression has become a serious problem in states north of Kentucky.

FRANKFORT—A Kentucky Congressman is being investigated for criminally suppressing voter turnout at the polls in 2012, after allegedly hiring a group of banjo players to perform at every voting location in his district.

The banjo players were ordered “not to tune their banjos” and even to “deliberately sing through their noses” while performing, in a desperate bid to keep left-leaning voters away from the polls.

Voter intimidation through banjo gangs is nothing new, a tactic utilized particularly in Northern states—where it is not only most effective, but most brutal. Banjo performers are oftentimes ordered to bring amplifiers and even transportable stages.

“It’s a heinous crime to intimidate voters to the extent they can’t walk into the polling location,” said Bob Porter, “I tried to vote that day and they scared me away with the noise.”

The Congressman, a Republican with a conservative reputation, was correct in his assumption that the very blocs that would vote against him would be deterred by bluegrass-country tunes—particularly younger voters.

“I tried my best to walk in, but the constant banjo music … well, I can’t describe the effect it had on me. I couldn’t help but walk away,” said Leah Beryl, a classical musician with perfect pitch, “In the end, I didn’t get to vote for my candidate.”

The representative is likely to be faced with massive fines, but his strategy thus far has been to greet the media—interested in the case and seeking press conferences—with a prelude of Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Strangely, the controversial case has not received much coverage.

For Duchess Tabitha: How to Live in the Country

My Dearest Lord Hodgkins,

I write to you out of fear. I have relished your posts on lizard slaying and country conquest, and now I must ask for counsel. My palace with my elderly owner has been packed up into boxes, and she has moved. I am forced to exile with her commoner relatives in Silsbee, in a tiny trailer all alone. Soon I will be out on my own, what should I do? Can you give me advice on how to live in the country?

Sincerely yours,

Tabitha, Duchess of Greenmeadow


I too have to deal with strange and intrusive creatures.

I too have to deal with strange and intrusive creatures.


This is a desperate situation: difficulties in coping with it are to be expected. However, you don’t have to tolerate the problems—you must defeat them. It’s imperative that you maintain a backbone. Oh, never mind… I forget sometimes that our backbones are so flexible. At any rate, remain firm and when these commoners displease you, let them know immediately.

  1. Make sure to let everyone know when you’re unhappy. Meow, hiss, and write press releases to your kingdom’s journalists—if you must, call a press conference with your Greenmeadow Palace Press Corps. Complain until you are hoarse: humans benefit from repetition, and eventually they will take action if you keep up the complaints.
  2. Ditch the diplomacy and show the other animals who’s boss. Be as aggressive as possible in your relations with other animals, and felines in particular. Slaughter a few songbirds and drop them at the feet of all whom you must warn. Drop subtle hints that you are the boss—and let the humans know, too, that you are in charge.
  3. Test your temporary/new humans. Living out in the country can be strenuous, so make sure that your humans are capable of taking care of all your whims and desires.
  4. Enjoy the peaceful qualities of the countryside. Kill a few lizards, catch a few songbirds, and murder a few bunnies. After establishing yourself as alpha-cat, relax.

I hope this helps, Duchess. Perhaps I shall join you in your lizard-hunting endeavors soon. And remember: complain until you are hoarse.

I love me too,


Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.

Happy Dog needs therapy

IMG_3809Hi there. My people have been going to doctors and asking why I am always digging under the chickens and jumping on top of the coop. There are several doctors that ask about my breed. I am very surprised. No, wait, I always knew this, my people were very surprised. You see, I am a very special dog.

Border Collie, Springer Spaniel, those were my parents. I got my collie-ness from my collie parent and my color from my half-spaniel parent. I’m proud of my heritage, but that has nothing to do with my deep psyco-rogical wounds that scar my inner—something. Heart, maybe, or gizzard.

My collie body was built for herding. Our short stature lets us roll right under the punches of cows and horses, and are we fast! Give me a herd of cattle, and I’ll leave the chickens in the dead, I mean in the coop. Wind in my fur, plenty of cows, fresh air, lots of space. That’s the life for me.

Unfortunately we have trouble. My family know knows my inner potential, but instead of hiring me off to a Cattle Ranch that will make me happy and make them money, they are thinking about SELLING me! Noooooo!

I cannot! Why should I leave? Why should they want to get rid of me? They need to reconsider. I have tried so hard to make them understand. I chase those little creeps around the coop all day, and they think I have a problem.

Set the chickens free from their caged lines! They will be happy and free. They will be safely herded by yours truly, and they can…no, my people would never do that. My assistant is too doofy for me to do that. He’s plow right in the middle of my soldiers and ruin their formation. That and his pals Rex, Ralph, Tiger, Spottie, and all of the others.

What will I do? My people just got a new cat, and now they are thinking about getting rid IMG_3815of me. Maybe the problem isn’t those evil chickens. It’s the Cats! They’re the ones turning the family against us. Because of this, I will stop writing to protest Fluffy. His secretarial skills are no longer needed, then, and I can protest this evil species to my heart’s content.

POST NOTE: Because of Ridiculous activity, no one cares whether Clara writes or not. So, I, Fluffy Cattius, will write what I want to, instead of that ridiculous canine dictating. This might seem harsh, but everyone knows that all canines are too silly to care anyway.

P.S. I hope she keeps up the protest. I’ll be here all day.


Apollos, Peter, Paul

Apollos, Peter, Paul. Well, Rebekah, you must be at a loss for titles. No, don’t leave yet. There’s something important to see here, something that I believe is dividing us.

We are the body of Christ, with each part having a purpose and a place. Together we stand, divided we fall. The feet try to break away and the whole body tumbles down, while the head wonders what’s wrong with the world today. Does this sound like anything you’ve heard today? Maybe this is why we have four churches every mile, some half-empty.

Our world is dying. We try our best to rescue anything we can, but we start to divide and argue. How can we work together with someone that believes differently than we do? Easy: don’t talk about it. It works great, and unless they want to pick a fight, they won’t mention it either. As a fantasy character once said, “The thick of battle is no time to bring up
quarrels.” And aren’t we in a battle?

What if a country was falling, and the defenders spent more time arguing with each other than fighting the enemy? The obvious answer is: they will be defeated. Until the leaders are willing to work together, how could the armies know what to do? How could anyone know what to do?

This is the mess we have gotten ourselves in: attacking our brothers in the middle of the struggle. Are we not all one in Christ? And yet through the years we have a history of persecuting one another during peacetime, when one who has no knowledge of God takes control of his church. Again and again, we drive away the closest allies we have been given: each other.

The Corinthian church faced that problem. In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul had some sharp words for some Christians who had become divided on the smallest of things.

“But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human?

What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.” (1 Cor. 3:1-9)

The Corinthians were all picking their own little apostle to follow. They were trying to split themselves up by which apostle they followed. Some of them thought themselves very smug and said “I follow Christ,” making everything more twisted then ever.

“So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.” (1 Corinthians 3:21-23)

Let’s not fight over which apostle or which candidate is the most awesome. We are all one in Christ! Let us resolve this peaceably, or we risk losing the integrity of the gospel.

No Regrets

We were abnormally quiet as we left the theater. Usually after watching a performance we would discuss it, but I was in no mood to talk. We had come to see my sister’s Melody’s little dance routine, but what we had seen was different.

Those sequined and silkily clad dancers had put on a show, for sure. There were dances, so many that I have lost count, all a blaze of color, all a wave of activity. It was a dancing studio’s recital, and everyone was there, from three to sixteen. The dancers started out clumsy, but as they got older you were able to see what they were learning. By the time they came to the oldest girls, my breath was taken away at the beauty.

“These girls have a real skill. I could never do that.” I remember thinking, as I watched friends and friends of friends dance. These girls were my age and younger, and by all accounts I could be with them. Doubt started to seep in. Had I made the right choice?

I had thought about this as soon as the performance was over. I saw my friend, looking so happy with her family, and everyone congratulating her. Again I began to feel regret for a choice I had made when I was Melody’s age, just six. I was so busy thinking about it, I almost didn’t hear my mom’s question: “What did you think about it?”

How do you answer that question?

Once, long ago, I had taken ballet, and I hated it. I was like my other sister Grace: I set my standard too high and when I failed to meet it, I shut down and burst into tears. I couldn’t stand for them to see me make a mistake: if they wanted to see me, they could see me cry. I was miserable, and when my parents asked if I would like to quit, I took the chance gladly, and never looked back.

Until years later. It’s almost been ten years, and I wonder if I would have been a dancer, if I had just finished instead of shutting down. Those girls up there are so pretty. They can do so many things. They have a talent that could take them to wonderful places. And I quit. I was thinking about that a lot. But then there was this one other thing.

I don’t think I could ever be a dancer. The girls wore sleeveless outfits with short ballet skirts, something that I unfortunately could never convince myself to wear, at home not even speaking of on a stage with hundreds of people watching. I would need all of that makeup to hide my embarrassment. No blush for me, thanks, I’ve got that one covered!

I’m also really tall. I read somewhere that the best dancers are small, and they’re also the most graceful. From my personal observation, I can agree with that statement. Maybe I was just never supposed to be a dancer, and ten years ago my stubborn perfectionism put up a barrier to learning. I fit in better with the girls in denim skirts, who look like they don’t do anything special but are exceptional on the inside. We might not have the glory road, but we fight to develop a talent and make it up there anyway, beside the dancers. They have to practice and work for their greatness, and so do we, just not on a dance floor.

I found an answer for my mom. “No regrets.” Maybe I look silly in every picture that I have seen. Maybe my hair is too long and stringy, and maybe I wear glasses. I don’t look perfectly put together or glamorous, and I’ll never be a dancer. But I can do other things, and while I may not get the dancer’s dream, I will someday stand next to them, satisfied that God let me to make the right choice.

It’s possible someone will see me there. They might start fighting with themselves too, about a choice they made when they were too little to care. “Man, look at them. I hope I made the right choice.” Accept who you are, don’t regret the past, and press on for what you can be. Greatness is achieved by so many paths, but remember to give glory to God who planted those hidden talents deep inside of you.


For Virtuoso in Victoria: Nothing to Hide

Dear Hodgkins,

I am a singer.  My human thinks he is, too. Every night I hear him in the shower (you’ve never heard such caterwauling).  But this letter is about me, not him.  Like you, I am exceedingly humble.  I am not seeking attention with my singing, but I sure get plenty of it.  Every night I go about as far from the house as I can, climb up on the fence, and practice my singing.  My human and the neighbors come out and shout something.  I have trouble hearing it over my singing, but I think they’re shouting, “Bravo!”  Sometimes they even throw gifts to me, but honestly, I have no need for old shoes.  I wonder if I should move farther away from all these music-lovers in order to avoid the undue attention?  On the other hand, it would be a shame to let all this talent go to waste.  What should I do? — Virtuoso in Victoria


Me, singing an anthem of allegiance to myself.

Me, singing an anthem of allegiance to myself.

Dear Virtuoso,

It’s evident that you have talent (remember that you can never really exceed yours truly in musical excellence) but your dilemma is not as dreadful as you think it is. Mainly because you can never be as good as I am, and also because it really isn’t all that hard to learn to perform to exploit humans’ wallets.

  1. Don’t waste your talent. Use it often and use it well; do not hide your hard-earned vocal superpowers. I recommend hiring an agent and finding some local restaurants, and moving up from there. Book a few theaters in downtown Austin. It won’t be hard to get on American Idol or America’s Got Talent after you perform in Carnegie hall for the first time. Keep a close relationship with celebrities like me. After you appear on nationwide television a few times, build a fandom and use its political, economic, and physical leverage to earn yourself the presidency. Then take over the world. Then abdicate and give it to me (seeing as I’m the rightful Supreme Emperor and all).
  1. Be gracious and accept your gifts. It will definitely influence your popularity if you publicly use the shoes that they offer you.
  1. Try to remain accessible to the public. Small to medium-sized venues will probably be a good idea until after you go to Carnegie Hall. It helps establish a dedicated fan base, whereas enormous venues don’t.

Most of all, remember that you don’t have to be good to be appreciated. I suspect that the more people who hear you, the more shoes you will get. Make sure that you don’t overwork yourself. Get a good sixteen hours of sleep every day; performance schedules can be grueling.

I love me too,


Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.

Too Many Ribbons, Too Little Time: No-Show Babin Strikes Again

Babin withdrew his scheduled presence at the Tri-County Tea Party's forum (presumably to avoid debating his opponent) for a ribbon-cutting elsewhere.

Babin withdrew his scheduled presence at the Tri-County Tea Party’s forum (presumably to avoid debating his opponent) for a ribbon-cutting elsewhere.

For the fourth time, congressional candidate Brian Babin cancelled a scheduled public appearance —a move that is frustrating Tea Party supporters who want to hear both sides of the race.

Hosted by the Tri-County Tea Party, the May 12th event has been planned for months. Babin withdrew from the event with only a few days to spare. The cancellation has disappointed many of his supporters, undecided voters planning on attending, and particularly the group’s members, who continue to point out the investments of time and money that were poured into the now-futile event.

The Tea Party’s leader, Aubrey Vaughn, noted that the spaghetti dinner and forum has been in the works for over three months; the Tea Party had contacted the campaigns in early to mid-April, when both of them confirmed their presence at the event.

Babin’s campaign contacted the Tea Party on Friday—three days before the event—and deserted the group for a ribbon cutting in less challenging territory.

“He’s a fair-weather debater,” said Lynn, a Lumberton resident, “He can’t hold his own against Streusand and he seems to know it.”

“Is this becoming of someone who wants to serve? The issue here is above politics. People attending these events are not just his opponent’s supporters, they are his very own. There are still undecided voters who have made it a point to attend events where he hasn’t shown up,” said a spokesperson for the Tri-County Tea Party.

Many of Babin’s supporters maintain that it’s a commonplace scheduling conflict, not an unusual occurrence considering the hectic lifestyles of politicians up for election. Others are suspecting a pattern.

“It’s the fourth time a public event like this one has been cancelled. Is it just me, or is Dr. Babin afraid to face his opponent?” said Elizabeth.

The four cancellations have not only earned Dr. Babin the nickname “No-Show Brian,” but have also been described as a “near dereliction of duty” inappropriate for the “real East-Texan” image that his campaign has been desperately attempting to convey.

Meanwhile, Mr. Vaughn explained that the show must go on: Mr. Streusand is intending to keep his commitment and will still make an appearance despite Dr. Babin’s last-minute decision.

Chosen Ones: Sergeant Davis


When the figure got close enough to the house, Caro shouted “Who goes there?” and watched the confused man fall over in the snow. He scrambled up and called up “Is this the house of Opal the Prophetess?” “Might be, depending on who wants to know.” Opal called out. “I’ll take that as a yes.” The soldier sighed, making the rest of the trek to the house quickly.

When he arrived at the door, Caro stood still, and looked him over. Though his uniform was wet from the snow, he was still a soldier, even though he looked rather ridiculous. “May I come in?” He asked, and Opal nodded. Caro watched him closely, to try and see what he wanted. Promise growled at the uniform, but whapped his tail on the floor and rested his head in his paws.Sargeant Davis

“My name is Sergeant Davis. I’m not really sure why I came, but I heard that you knew something of the coming of the king.” His eyes shone. “I know what you think, I’m a soldier. But my father was one of the old guard, and he told me a little about what really happened when Nya took over, not the story spread to the media.” Gino turned his head to Opal and said something no one else could understand, but she nodded.

“I’ve heard so many things, that I’m not sure who to believe. I don’t trust the paper or the radio, obviously, but I was asking around and a few of the villagers said that a young man lived partly up the slope and a young woman at the top. But they also said ridiculous things, so I decided to find out for myself.” Gino, who had not spoken since the soldier’s arrival, spoke up. “Why were you looking for us?”

The soldier bit his tongue and seemed to be searching for words. “I remember my father’s stories of glory in battle, but this is just…murder, murder and worse that the soldiers are doing, and to their own people! I didn’t understand, how in a few years things could deteriorate so quickly, but I do now. The leadership is rotten all the way to the top, Lady Nya. I heard that there was still one left of the royal family, and that you knew where he was.”

“Why, so you can kill him? So you can tell Nya so she’ll imprison him in the core again? Or maybe so your battalion could capture him.” Caro accused, from where he stood by the door. “Nothing you say makes us trust you.” Gino started and looked up at him. “Isn’t that what you were thinking when you first saw me? Hold your tongue please, we’ll never know if we keep interrupting.” Caro blushed and held his tongue. Davis didn’t seem to notice.

“I want to follow the king.” Davis stated, dropping his hands. “I want to follow him and make a change from this…insurrection.” Opal turned to Gino, and said nothing, but he understood. “Sounds good to me too.” He turned to Caro. “What do you think?”

Caro sat down by Gino and rubbed his head. “I don’t know what to think. He’s a soldier.” “But a good soldier.” Opal protested. Caro rolled his eyes. “Those words don’t go together at all.” “Then don’t think of me as a soldier. I want to be on your side.” Davis spoke up. “I know you do.” Opal turned her sightless eyes to him. “I’ve seen you before. He is a friend, Caro. And we do need a soldier.” Gino laughed. “I’ll agree with Opal.” Davis looked confused.

Caro stood up and Opal did as well. “He is the prince. If you truly wish to help, help us plan for Nya’s downfall.” The soldier was confused, and narrowed his eyes. “Let me see.” He stood up and looked Caro over. “Same age, right height…” He stepped back. “You must be. No one has eyes that bright silver.” He bowed. Caro had never seen his own eyes, but he knew his sister’s had been silver, so he wasn’t surprised.

Davis took out a map. “If you need planning help, here we are. This is a map I took of the area. It’s terrible, and I could barely find you, but it’s a map. What do you have in mind?”

Babin vs. Streusand: on Obamacare

ben streusand

Streusand speaking at the Texas Tea Party Tax Day event on 4/16/14

“Obamacare is not about improved health care or cheaper insurance or better treatment or insuring the uninsured, and it never has been about that. It’s about statism. It’s about expanding the government. It’s about control over the population. It is about everything but health care,” said conservative paragon Rush Limbaugh.

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, better known as Obamacare, has been one of the most divisive political issues of all time. Even before the 2008 presidential campaign, the PPACA began polarizing Washington and establishing an even greater precedent for redistribution in healthcare—and ultimately, in nearly every area of life.

Republican leadership has often bowed to democrats on the issue, even after regaining control of the House in 2010. Despite being in relatively early stages of enactment, Obamacare’s morally unconscionable mandates, exorbitant taxes, and crippling regulations are motivating taxpayers around the nation to reconsider their choices on the ballot and to search for bold representatives who will challenge the damaging law.

With congressional candidates Ben Streusand and Brian Babin in a May 27 runoff, voters in Texas Congressional District 36 are seeking a representative who will fight the healthcare debacle at every turn. Babin has made it evident that not only will he yield to corrupt house leadership, he also merely wants to superficially alter the democrat’s pet project.

“Redistribution and centralization are two powerful poisons, detrimental to freedom and economic progress in even small quantities,” said one Lumberton voter, “Obamacare should be weakened and diluted everywhere possible, but the only thing that will spare the United States is a complete defunding or a full repeal.” 

Babin’s constant promise to “pull the teeth out of Obamacare”—signifying that instead of repealing or defunding the law he wants to salvage a trainwreck—pales in comparison to Streusand’s fiery vow to fight Obamacare even when it means political retaliation. 

“Obamacare is having a real and lasting impact—one of totalitarianism and government control. Future generations are going to be faced with our mistakes, trapped in a quagmire of state dictates. We have precious little time left before a full repeal is possible. It doesn’t matter if a representative will vote for defunding or repeal, what matters is if they will actively seek to achieve this end and if they are willing to fight for this cause,” said Sharon Clark, a home schooling mom deeply involved in the political sphere.

As Clark pointed out, a superficial alteration in a draconian regulatory fiasco accomplishes little and demonstrates a deep weakness in the Republican Party.

“I will pull the teeth out of Obamacare,” Babin repeatedly claims, saying little else other than that he “knows” what he’s talking about because he’s a dentist.

Streusand, on the other hand, has intensely affirmed his willingness to fight for a complete repeal, no matter the political or personal consequences.

“America needs a full repeal,” Streusand said, unafraid to back up his words and oppose the House establishment.

“The first vote I’ll make in the House will be against Speaker John Boehner,” he added, in contrast with Babin’s weak statement claiming he will not “attack fellow Republicans.”

Overall, a promise to “pull the teeth out of Obamacare” and a refusal to “attack fellow Republicans” sends a signal that Babin is hesitant to fight for what his campaign ads say he believes in.

“I truly decided to support Streusand when I heard him say that when or if he goes to Washington, he intends to step on a lot of toes and irritate a lot of people. A few minutes later, Babin spoke and explained how he wouldn’t ‘attack fellow Republicans,’” said Jill, who lives in Lumberton.

Obamacare is still very much an issue with southeast Texans—Houston’s impressively numerous medical facilities lead the nation in technology and research, yet Obamacare threatens to suppress the innovation that makes up a large portion of CD 36’s economy. Working families, young entry-level workers, and the elderly alike have a personal stake in supporting Streusand, who fiercely opposes PPACA and its principles.

Ronald Reagan proclaimed that socialism would be left on the ash heap of history—while Babin is apparently reluctant to cross House leadership and discard one of socialism’s primary introductory laws, Streusand is not only willing to do so, but fighting for full repeal. Voters are more than likely going to make the distinction on May 27.

Hunted in Houston: Boxes or Bags?


Supreme Emperor,

Which do you prefer to hide in, a cardboard box or a paper bag? – Hunted in Houston


I basically know everything.

I basically know everything.

Dear Hunted,

I understand your concern. There are understandably dangerous situations that arise from day to day, including—and not limited to—lizards that get away from you, enraged humans seeking to banish you to Siberia, invasive and curious strays that humans call “visitors,” and worst of all, canines. Boxes and bags serve as shelters, strategic hiding places, and tactical hunting camouflage.

While I live a more dangerous lifestyle than most cats, I think I should mention this: it’s important to perform a box/bag drill every day. In case of a lizard or dog attack, you should have a designated hiding spot that can serve as a long-term shelter. Whichever you choose, it should be comfortable enough to take at least a four-hour nap in.

  1. Nap Approved? If you’re in it for the long haul, make sure that your hiding place is suitable for a four hour nap at the very least. There have been times in my life when I needed to nap in a secure location for over 16 hours. Naps can attack at any moment, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.
  1. Lizard proof? Both bags and boxes can be potentially conducive to lizards. That is why the most important requirement for a hiding place should be if it is lizard proof or not. It is a matter of life or death.
  1. Strength or stealth? Of the two hiding places, boxes are stronger. Bags are stealthier. If you’re out to scare a human in the middle of the night, a shuffling bag flying onto the bed does the trick. Boxes are generally much more cumbersome and altogether eliminate the element of surprise.

I hope this helps, Hunted. Please take this advice to heart, and remember: nap compatibility first. But as for me, I definitely prefer boxes, as they are nearly canine-proof.

I love me too,


Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.

BBC Announces New Show, “Doctor Whom”

The Doctor in an English and literature classroom, featured in an exciting preview of BBC's 2015 series.

The Doctor in an English and literature classroom, featured in an exciting preview of BBC’s 2015 series.

LONDON—Late Tuesday the British Broadcasting Corporation, best known as BBC, released its 2015 plans for Doctor Whom, a show about an adventurous and grammatically fascist English Ph.D.

BBC revealed that “the Doctor” will travel through all time and space to correct bad grammar, part of the Labour Party’s push to improve educational aspects of the publicly-funded news organization.

A sneak peek of the first episode shows the Doctor traveling to 15 June 1992 to the United States, in an attempt to alter Vice President Dan Quayle’s spelling of “potato.”

BBC’s Doctor Whom has been hailed by critics as grammatically revealing, particularly since the Doctor’s greatest weakness is his tendency to overreact to double negatives and subject/verb disagreements. This element of the Doctor’s personality is shown in the preview of an upcoming episode, where he and his vehicle—a time machine disguised to look like a metal filing cabinet—are stranded in 19th century rural America.

The Doctor’s name is apparently a secret, but the main character’s “one constant companion” is “sentence diagramming.”

Future exploits of the Doctor will include encounters with space aliens who often use incorrect forms of your and you’re; a much-lauded visit to 10 Downing Street; and a battle with the stubborn inhabitants of Fleet Street, who refuse to acknowledge the correct use of possessives.

English majors are enthusiastic about the show’s New Year’s Eve debut in 2015, but critics are unsure of Doctor Whom’s chances.

“Americans don’t want to be told to spell ‘neighbour’ with a ‘u,’” said one critic, speaking of the show’s potential popularity with Yankees, “But I think we can all agree that this show will probably be more popular with Britain’s language arts majors than any other science fiction series of all time.”

A fulfulled summer

Hey, Southeast Texas! There are several good things that I enjoy about living down here, among never having tornadoes (well, almost never), earthquakes or blizzards. One of the other things is the friends that we have and the freedom to live what we believe. I’ll be frank: I’m a Christian, and I believe that memorizing the Bible is a very important activity: one of the best. Even Psalm 119:11 says “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”

With that in mind I want to invite everyone who is wanting a Christian Summer activity that is going on this year, and has been for a few years. It’s called the National Bible Bee, and it was created in 2009 because of the inspiring story of a young woman named Shelby who was dying, but spent her last days memorizing scriptures, because she knew that in the end, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of the Lord stands forever.” (Isaiah 40:7) It’s a wonderful story, and the beginning of the Bible Bee.

After her death, Shelby’s friends remembered the difference scripture had made in her life and decided to start the Bible Bee in her honor, so others could get closer to the scripture like she did. The Bible Bee was born! You can read the whole story here.


But since 2009, many changes have been made. At first there were like 600 verses and 4-5 books to study. I have no idea HOW people did it that year, but my brother must have figured it out, because he made it to the next level. He didn’t place in the finals, but he had a nice tour or D.C. Don’t worry, the book is down to 1 five-chapter-average epistle and the verse count is down to 24. Every year the contest changes, so if there are any Bible Bee’ers from the early years, be comforted. The new contest is designed to be fun and doable, but it still has the basic idea: study God’s word!

I kind of wish that we didn’t need a contest to study the word of God, but people work better with incentive. The prizes are awesome, but usually by the time you’re done, you know what the real treasure is. I mean, for nothing else, it’s a pretty great feeling when you can place the verse your pastor is quoting even before he says the reference. But that’s selfish. I’m afraid I am not the best spokesman for them, but if you want to check out the website it’s

Why I’m writing this to you people in SETX, is because there is a Local Bee in Beaumont this year, if you are interested. (For you non-Texans reading:) There are Local Bees everywhere, for whoever is reading this outside of Texas, from Alaska to Florida, in almost every state. At Nationals, you can meet people from all over the USA, and I have to tell you, it’s pretty neat.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. In previous years, people have been intimidated by the verse list. But this year, the majority of points is in the book study. That means everyone who can read has a chance to go to Nationals, which is in Orlando this year, in case you are wondering. But I talked about Nationals in another post.

I hope you are interested in participating in the Bible Bee, Texans. There is plenty of room in the Local, and there will be fun games and opportunities to study together. Sound fun? Go to the Bible Bee’s website for more info.

Bumblebee Smashes Smart Car in Austin Accident

smart carAUSTIN—A devastating collision occurred in an Austin residential neighborhood on Monday morning after a Smart car smashed into a large bumblebee. Emergency response teams rushed to the scene and successfully rescued the vehicle’s operator from the wreckage.

Although the car was totaled, the driver escaped with only a sting from the disgruntled insect. Eyewitnesses verify accounts of the destruction.

“It was just buzzing along, the Smart car was, and then a bumblebee just smashed right into it. That thing had to have been at least a two or three-gram insect, clearly it must have had an overdose of nectar or something,” explained one witness, walking her pet lemur when the accident occurred, “It smashed through the windshield and crumpled the car to smithereens.”

Officers investigating the collision hypothesized that the bumblebee was an unusually large specimen.

“Clearly it had to have weighed a whopping half an ounce to be able to smash through that sturdy Smart glass,” said one investigator, “But we’re here to make sure that a collision like this one won’t happen again.”

“It’s a good thing that Smart cars have so much crumple room. Otherwise, I think that it could have been a lot worse,” said a first responder at the scene of the collision, “For instance, it if hadn’t been a Smart car, the operator might have had to turn on the windshield wipers or even go to a carwash eventually. It could be a lot worse, I think.”

The incident has prompted Austin lawmakers to consider a traffic law designating a lane for Smart cars and a lane for heavyweight bumblebees, as well as a potential street sign next to bee hives warning drivers of other large insects crossing the road.

District 36: Texas Needs a Champion

Texas Congressional District 36Congressional District 36’s runoff between Ben Streusand and Brian Babin is the subject of controversial and acrimonious debate. Whilst Babin supporters decry Streusand as a furtive finagler and “Washington insider” set on “buying” a House seat, Babin is lauded as a honest East Texan who has spent most of his life within the arbitrarily drawn district lines which allegedly bear cultural and ideological significance. (Or so say Babin’s supporters, who impute these qualities to the administrative borders.)

Meanwhile, Streusand—who has spent two decades studying political figures, honing his debate skills, probing into laissez-faire economics, and working with the conservative organization Americans for Prosperity—is not only underestimated, but attacked for qualities and experience worthy only of praise.

Supporters attempt to portray Babin as a working man’s hero and a conservative steady. Babin is an honorable man, and as far as ideology and policy goes, a fairly faithful conservative. However, there does seem to be more to the story.

While it’s clear that Babin isn’t comparable to Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, or Eric Cantor (any such comparisons or attacks are merely speculation), research makes evident that Streusand is the more dependable and strategic of the two—and as a plus, Streusand’s economic knowledge makes him a firm favorite from a Misesian standpoint.

True to the last

Babin and Streusand hold many things in common; in the past both of them have had governmental leadership positions, but the similarity ends there—these men responded to their roles in dramatically varied manners.

Appointed in 2002, Streusand served on the Interstate Oil and Gas Compact Commission and in 2011 became a member of the Texas Pre-Paid Higher Tuition Fund’s board of directors. Raising taxes a total of six times—and on one occasion by as much as 187%—Babin apparently betrayed his conservative principles during his time as Woodville’s mayor, city councilman, and later as a member of the Lower Neches Valley Authority.

As far as policy, positions, political actions, and votes go, the Babin camp can find nothing substantial with which to attack Streusand—who can best be described as “true to the last.”

Only a pea shooter?

In matters of economic knowledge and ideological thought, Streusand holds a strong advantage over Babin. Economic arguments will be at least one crucial factor in these candidates’ effectiveness in Congress, equipping them with the ideological strength they need to oppose Washington’s debacles. Sending a man with little or no economic knowledge to Congress is like sending a soldier armed with a pea shooter into enemy territory.

Streusand, as his volunteers are quick to add, places a high priority on explaining why he believes what he believes. Well-versed in 20th and 21st-century free enterprise economists, he is familiar with not only Misesian theory but the Austrian School of Economics, Adam Smith’s theories of capitalism, and likely the most relevant Washington issue, the ins and outs of the Federal Reserve. He is well-equipped for the hostile environment in the House.

Principles should not be whimsically accepted, but carefully considered and adopted when reason and morality point that direction. Streusand is the one candidate who appears to have a tangible, logical reason for everything that he supports and additionally, an argument to defend his logic. In campaign speeches and elsewhere, he points to economic concepts, principles of Common Law, and God-given rights that define his standpoints.


The Constitution is not the reason for conservatism, nor should it be treated like one: it’s the supporting evidence for the real reason, and a restraining order for those who would ignore it.

Meanwhile, Babin points to “constitutional” rights and constitutional rights alone. If a piece of paper (albeit an important one) is the one thing that defines Brian Babin’s arguments and political views, it does not bode well for his potential constituents. Constitutional arguments have severe limits: chronological, practical, and logical. Men are fallible and don’t last forever. The same goes for their documents—it’s one reason why conservatives cannot live on Constitutional arguments alone. As a result, Babin would likely be short work in a House floor debate.

The Law of Association

Finally, the political “Law of Association” gives one last contrast between Babin and Streusand: endorsements, supporters, and issues. Who endorses a candidate, who supports a candidate, what issues the campaign brings up, and how the candidates attack the other reveals a plenitude of between-the-lines political knowledge.

The Beaumont Enterprise is head over heels in love with this man's ideology. If Babin is what he claims to be, what does the Enterprise see in him that's worthy of an endorsement?

The Beaumont Enterprise is head over heels in love with this man’s ideology. If Babin is what he claims to be, what does the Enterprise see in him that’s worthy of an endorsement?

For instance, in 2008 the Beaumont Enterprise endorsed Barack Obama, the most left-leaning U.S. President of all time. In 2012, they endorsed democrat Max Martin for Congressional District 36, the same seat in question on May 27. It should raise a red flag—or perhaps several—that in 2014, the publication has endorsed Brian Babin and is willing to show shameless bias in his favor.

Babin has an impressively lengthy list of endorsements, but there’s nothing impressive about the content.

On the other hand, faithful conservative organizations with prestigious endorsements have shown sincere support for Streusand: Gun Owners of America, Texas Alliance for Life, Pro-Life Nation, and the Texas Home School Coalition are only a few of the reliable nationally operative organizations that have stood behind Streusand and his liberty-oriented positions on gun rights, abortion, and education (to name a few).

Babin attacks Streusand for the location of his residence; Streusand attacks Babin for tax increases and ideological flaws. Babin plays to partisan emotions when he calls Streusand an “outsider” for living outside district lines and an “insider” for having economic and political experience; Streusand appeals to those interested in real and relevant issues. What a candidate attacks is the inverse of what he will defend. Going by what his campaign attacks, Babin seems to have adopted a formula for increasing political tension and strengthening establishment cliques. Streusand, however, should be commended for refraining from personal attacks and focusing on only Babin’s policy blunders.

Good, Better, Best

With even allegedly “conservative” legislators bowing at the altar of cronyism, with lawmakers yielding to the forces of government oppression, and with even the people’s advocates surrendering to corruption and despair, Texas needs a champion to represent the people of District 36. On May 27th, it’s important that you vote not only for a good man, but for the better man—vote for Ben Streusand.



Freedom is the thing longed for and fought for. However, I can say that it is possible to beg for freedom. Hi, it’s me, Happy Dog! I am free from the doghouse. I have finally convinced my people to let me off. The attack is renewed!

One strange thing that chicken farmers do is to buy new chickens every year. I’m not sure why, aren’t eleven little parasites good enough? But no, they had to get more, and now there a little baby chickens in Fort McNugget (also known as the A-frame, because of its shape) and we’re renewing our fight. We have a new ally, I think.

Cats are as a rule untrustworthy and evil. But Fluffy is showing some interest in the new chickens. I’m not sure if that will help us or not. Sure, it’s one more soldier in the fight (if all goes well) but he might take all the chickens for himself. That’s a real danger with cats you know, they get ideas. There is no loyalty to dogs.

Then again, he seems to show no interest whatsoever in the older chickens. Sure, they’re about the size of him, and there are a lot of them, but they are chickens! He could scare them off. I think if I ever catch him napping on top of the coop I’ll toss him in, just to see what happens. Then again, they might hurt him, and then no one would write my posts. Then again, maybe Dory can type.

What am I thinking? Dory is the resident grandma in our place. She’s older than most of the kids and about the size of a half-grown chicken. I seriously doubt that she can type. But she’s as tough as nails and she doesn’t like dogs. Most cats don’t. But Fluffy…actually sometimes I think he’s doing this job to make a fool out of me. I’ll be speaking to my lawyer.

Anyway, I’m free! There will be fear in the hearts of the Barred Rocks and the Americanas. There will be trembling of the sexlinks and the Wyandottes. Clara will have her revenge!

Hmm. Maybe I should come up with a new plan. I’m not sure if digging or jumping is going to work. Maybe if I found some power tools…

Freedom for all dogs!

Freedom for all dogs!


District 36 Race Reveals Pivot Back to Issues, Policy

The following satire was submitted by reader who wishes to remain anonymous.

The 2014 Republican primaries have been characterized by tough positions and fierce campaigns, forcing candidates to toe the line and fight for party perspectives. In the Texas Congressional District 36, the runoff battle between candidates Ben Streusand and Brian Babin has been an uphill battle of principles.

“The two are obviously diametrically opposed, because Babin is on the inside of a arbitrarily drawn, politically-motivated, demographically indicative line usually recognized as the border of a Congressional district,” Eddie, a concerned Lumberton voter explained, “And Streusand is not.”

The issue has taken a front-and-center position in the campaigns as voters within the arbitrary line, subject to change every decade or so, try to re-emphasize the crucial nature of the all-important district borders.

“The line is everything,” explained one campaign volunteer, “If a candidate comes from outside the line, he is out of the question. If he comes from inside the line, he is the Chosen One.”

Southeast Texans are certain that no outsider can understand the complex ideological workings of District 36, a distinct cultural and political entity that ends where the District ends.

Local party leadersTexas Congressional District 36 and Republican clubs have adopted a harsh stance on this critical issue, as they reveal how serious they really are about keeping their focus on true issues and not petty distractions like fiscal or social policy.

“People outside the lines can’t possibly gain insight into our culture or our customs. They have no clue as to what it’s like a mile away, in our district,” a Republican county leader continued.

Party leaders and journalists realize that the question of in vs. out is a crucial issue that could decide the fate of the nation, and that all other policy stances, voting records, and political experience should be utterly disregarded.

“Basically the line is the most important issue that our party is facing today. Ask yourself: are we electing leaders who are within these randomly drawn Congressional lines that are for administrative purposes only?” said a city councilman, “I think it’s the absolute most critical thing that we’re deciding in this election. Nothing else about these guys matters.”

Bob, the random policy analyst on the street, added, “We should forget all other fiscal and social issues and focus on this one. Administrative geography is the one determinate factor that distinguishes between a good guy and a bad guy. The bureaucratic products of gerrymandering known as districts are the only way we can tell if a candidate is worthy of our votes, that, and of course, the important question of whether or not this candidate has signs that are the right color.”

The race continues to heat up, as more and more people realize that the only issue worth talking about is whether or not the candidate is within the shifting, gerrymandered district line or not.

Nauseous in Nederland

I'm always the expert.

I’m always the expert.

Dear Hodgkins,

I’ve had trouble getting my human to provide decent food.  I try to eat it, but sometimes it’s so bad that it makes me barf.  My human gets mad when he has to clean up the mess.  How can I make him understand the food quality needs to come up a notch or two?  –Nauseous in Nederland



This is a serious problem. I think all of us have dealt with the issue of inferior food quality at some time or another. Humans have a mind all their own, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t knock into even my human’s head that I require canned, seafood-flavored Purina chow. I still have problems—and although these suggestions probably will not be the answer, try them. The problem is that your human is mad. The solution? Make your human mad. Eventually he will take action; just remember to be consistent in your human’s training.


  1. Correlation: Never throw up except after eating. This maintains consistency: remember, you are trying to build an association in your human’s mind that inferior food causes nausea. This correlation is the goal.
  1. Repetition: If you throw up once, go eat more food. Then hack your seconds up. Your human will eventually realize that you can’t stand this stuff if you go back for more, vomit, and then repeat the process until the bowl is empty.
  1. Location, location, location: Consistency is crucial as you try to establish a correlation between inferior food consumption and barfing. Try to do this on a schedule (once a day should be fine). Furthermore, if the human doesn’t watch as you vomit, he won’t realize that the food is the direct cause of this ailment. Location is important. If he isn’t in the room, run to him and throw up in his lap or on his pillow, if necessary. If he isn’t even home, do your best to vomit in a noticeable place.

I hope this advice helps. Remember: sometimes training your human isn’t fun. You have to maintain a strict schedule, maintain consistency, and always work to establish a correlation between punishment and inferior food.

I love me too,


Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.