But you’re wrong. I’m a new little cutie. Check it out. If you can read this, then you’ll know who I am.
J, as in “Just the best ever!”
A, as in “Awesomest dog in the universe!”
C, as in “Cats be gone!”
K, as in “Kome and get me, chickens!”
Ok, so I can’t spell very well. But who cares? My name is Ja-ja-jaaaaaack! Jack is the greatest! Let me tell you all the awesome stuff about me!
I was born a long time ago. I must be at least 6 months old.
I am the best dog in the world. I don’t chase chickens and I hate cats!
I can defy gravity by jumping over the chicken coop.
Everyone loves me.
Let me tell you how I work. See, I know the cats are evil. I can see it in the way they walk. I can see it in the snooty way they talk. And I can definitely see it in the way they don’t let me eat their food! But because I’m a puppy, and I spend a lot of time inside, I don’t need Fluffy to type for me. I figure that I have paws just like he does, and I can do it myself. But when I see the cats eat their food, I fly in to the rescue! I don’t want the helpless food kernels to be trapped in their stomachs. They need to be free and go in mine!
So when I see the cats eat their food, I use my super-awesome super abilities to destroy those crazy cats and free their food prisoners. Then I eat them, oh boy! I like to chase cats too. They are very fun to play with. But cats cheat. They don’t run all the time. Instead they try to hit me in the nose.
I also guard the chickens. They love me, and sometimes give me gifts. Sure, the gifts are all chicken food, but it’s the thought that counts. I wish they would give me eggs. They never eat them, so why should they hoard them all? But the chickens are pretty cool. One time they gave me a corncob, and it was really chewy! I thought it was yummy, but then the cat wanted it. So I decided to cash all my bones in the corn market. Now Fluffy has my food and his food, but I have the corncob.
I think I’m missing something.
Anyway, my people love me like a son. That is very good, because I adopted them, anyway. They even took me to a spa when I was sick. I didn’t like it very much. They kept giving me shots. They called me a puppy!
Well! I’m the biggest, most handsome dog ever, and it was not very nice of them to call me a puppy. Plus, they kept me in a cage. I had to get out of there.
There’s a cage in our yard. It’s for the cats, I guess, because they would never put me in one. They keep trying to use me as bait for the cats. Well, that’s what I think they want, because they put me in there for a long time. The problem is, the cats never come. They just make faces at me through the fence. So I dig out.
I’m the most cool dog ever, and my people are very lucky to have me! I am trying to train them to let me on the couch. They don’t learn very fast. People never do.
Oh well. As the newest dog in the Hair house, and by far the most important, I have many duties. But since the other dogs throughout history have kept up this page, I thought I should keep up the tradition.
Rememeber. Ja, ja, JACK! I’m the best dog around. See ya later.