Tasty and Squishable Shelob Candy

Tasty, squishable, and very, very sticksy, yesssss Precious, sticksy like Shelob’s webs. Everyone’s always hungry for Shelob candy, yesssss. And Smeagol knows the way; good Smeagol shows Master the way to make Shelob candises. Smeagol gives you the recipe.

First, you need these foodses:

  • 4 cups marshmallows
  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 1 1/4 cups coconut flakes
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans

Next, microwave the marshmallowses and the butter until they are melted. Stir them well.

1

Add the vanilla.

2

Microwave again if the marshmallowses are too stiff, and then mix in 1 1/4 cups flaked coconutses. Should be about the stickiness of giant spider’s web, yesssss, precious:

4

Now add the tasty and crunchable pecanses.

5

Watch out for nasty tricksy hobbitses, who come to steal your juicy sweet candises:

8Keep close watch for nasty hobbitses while you lay out parchment paperses on a plate and spray it with slippery grease:

9

Use two spoons to roll the sticky juicy sweet into a ball. Once that is done, keep the preciousssss in a cold dark cave, or in a nasty refrigerator (your choice) until they are holdable and chewable:

10.

And listen to good Smeagol, don’t let nasty tricksy hobbitses take your Shelob candy. Because nasty tricksy hobbitses will steal it from you. 

13

Nasty hobbit stole our preciousssss. 

14

We must go look for the preciousssss.

gollum tree

Teatime in Narnia: How to Make a Tumnus-Style Tea

Narnia LWW 47“And it really was a wonderful tea. There was a nice brown egg, lightly boiled for each of them, and then sardines on toast, and then buttered toast, and then toast with honey, and then a sugar-topped cake.”  ~ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, page 15.

Every true-blooded Narnian likes a good tea, just like every decent hobbit likes a second breakfast. Mr. Tumnus, one of the noblest of fauns, is a delightful teatime host and a fabulous cook, if I do say so myself. And so, I have procured from the archives at Cair Paravel the recipe that tantalizes taste buds throughout all of Narnia: Mr. Tumnus’ all-around enchanting Sugar-Topped cake.

Without further ado, here is the Magic recipe to get you started on your own Narnian tea:

Actually, no. You need more ado — here are some pictures to document the glorious deliciousness of Narnia cuisine.

20150417 Aerial View RS

A Narnian tea for two, with tea (though I shouldn’t wonder if you hadn’t already guessed that), sardines, apples, sugar-crusted lemons, soft-boiled eggs, candied orange peel, toast with honey and butter, and — this is the most important — Mr. Tumnus’ enchantingly delicious Sugar-Topped Cake.

20150417 Cake und Table RS

Mr. Tumnus’ cave was not likely so well-lit, but at least the furnishings would have been fairly similar: books, a map of Narnia, apples from Calormen, and the Magic cake — the recipe for which had been handed down from faun to faun for generations, and now rests in the archives at Cair Paravel.

20150417 Pouring da tea RS

The food is positively scrumptious here in Narnia; it is completely befuddling that more tourists haven’t arrived to experience it all.

20150417 Non-Photo-bombed side view of cake RS

But, in the end, you’ve really only come here for a cake recipe. So let’s get down to it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As seen in the pictures above:
Toast (and butter, and sardines)
Tea, sugar, and cream
Lightly boiled brown eggs
Lemon slices
Apples
Candied orange peels
Sugar-topped cake, Tumnus style

The recipe used for this cake came from The Narnia Cookbook (which means it really came straight from the archives at Cair Paravel). Please note that this recipe only makes one 8″ x 8″ cake layer, and if you desire more, double it.

Sugar-Topped Cake

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) butter
3/4 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup milk
1 cup raisins, chopped
1/2 cup currants
1/4 cup candied orange peel, chopped fine
1/4 cup blanched almonds
1/4 cup candied cherries (optional)

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Grease an 8″ x 2″ round pan, and line the bottom with a circle of parchment paper or waxed paper.
2. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt.
3. With an electric mixer or by hand, cream the butter and sugar together until fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
4. Add the flour mixture to the butter and sugar alternately with the milk, beating just until mixed.
5. Fold in the fruit and nuts.
6. Pour the batter into the greased pan.
7. Bake for 1 hour 15 minutes. Remove to a rack and cool completely. Remove the cake from the pan, and frost with sugar cake frosting. Decorate with candied cherries if desired.

 

Icing:

1 cup butter
2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons vanilla.

Some Helpful Suggestions From Your Humble Servant, the Narnian (Well, again, that isn’t quite true, because I’m royalty. You get the picture.)

The icing recipe can be doubled or tripled, depending on how large of a Magic sugar coma you’d like to get yourself into — and as far as I’m concerned, the more cherries there are on top, the better it is.

Serve with some soothing Magic flute music, and don’t try the Turkish delight. It doesn’t end very well most of the time.

 

References: The Narnia Cookbook, Douglas Gresham and Pauline Baynes
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C. S. Lewis

World’s Best Swedish Meatballs

Here’s our favorite recipe for Swedish meatballs. (Yes, like the Swedish chef.)

The Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show

The Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show

Start off by chopping up one large onion and sautéing it in butter.

Meanwhile,  get one half cup of breadcrumbs (or for a gluten-free option, use gluten-free oats) and put in your Bosch Mixer with the cookie paddles attachment. Otherwise, you could put the breadcrumbs or oats in a big mixing bowl.

Next, put 2 ½ lbs of beef in Bosch Mixer or mixing bowl.

Note: do not check Facebook or email because your onions will burn.

Add ¼ cup of water, milk, or stock to mixture.

Add two eggs to the mixture. I go ahead and start mixing it with my Bosch at this point, but the other option is to use a hand-held mixer or merely knead with your hands.

Stir the sautéd onions into the meat, and then these ingredients as well:
3 Tbs chopped parsley
¼ tsp paprika
½ tsp grated lemon rind
1 tsp lemon juice
¼ tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp allspice
¼ tsp red pepper
After that, shape meat into 1 ½ inch balls and cook in melted butter.

When all the meatballs are cooked I add about two cups of beef stock to the meatballs. You could thicken this and make a gravy.

You can also make it ahead of time and put the meatballs in the crockpot (after you’ve cooked them, that is).

You could serve it over cauliflower rice, rice, or squash noodles.

This recipe was inspired by the Joy of Cooking Cookbook and the Muppets

*A Bosch Mixer is a power tool for the kitchen. It is an awesome addition to any kitchen.

The Best Pancakes

This recipe is a cinch to make, takes little time, makes pretty much no mess, and on top of that is low-carb and gluten-free. They taste, by far, better than all the gluten-free pancake mixes, flours, and recipes that we have tried as of yet.

 

Ingredients:

  • Old-fashioned oats
  • Cottage cheese (low-fat or otherwise)
  • Egg whites (for fluffiness, but you can use the entire egg and it still comes out fine)
  • Baking powder
  • Sweetener
  • Vanilla
  1. Put 1 cup oats into a blender and blend until oats turn to powder.
  2. Turn off blender and add 1 cup of egg whites (or just 1 cup of entire eggs) and 1 cup cottage cheese.
  3. Add 2 tsp. baking powder, 2-3 tsp. sweetener (sugar, Stevia, Truvia), and dash      of vanilla (optional). Blend well.
  4. Heat a nonstick griddle or nonstick frying pan to medium temperature. Spray the pan or skillet with a tiny bit of oil spray, or moisten it with the slightest amount of butter.
  5. Ladle mix onto skillet or pan in desired pancake-sized shapes.
  6. Once the bottom of the pancakes are golden browned and tops have bubbles, flip them and cook until done.

 

Recipe credit: adapted from Serene Allison’s and Pearl Barrett’s Trim Healthy Mama

George Washington’s Hoecakes

 

President Washington had a good taste in breakfast foods.

President Washington had a good taste in breakfast foods.

Here is George Washington’s breakfast of choice: hoecakes. The recipe is a tad hard to follow, but you can manage. It’s a slightly modernized adaptation.

 

  • 8 3/4 cups white cornmeal
  • 1/4 teaspoons dry yeast
  • 1 egg
  • Warm water
  • Shortening or other cooking grease
  • Honey & Butter

 

In large container, mix together 4 cups white cornmeal, 1 1/4 teaspoons dry yeast, and enough warm water to give the mixture the consistency of pancake batter (probably 3-4 cups). Cover and set on the stove or counter overnight.

 

In the morning, gradually add remaining cornmeal, egg and enough warm water to give the mixture the consistency of pancake batter (3-4 cups). Cover and set aside for 15 to 20 minutes.

 

Add cooking grease to a griddle or skillet and heat until water sprinkled onto it will bead up.

 

Pour batter, by the spoonful, onto the hot griddle. (Note: since the batter has a tendency to separate, you will need to stir it well before pouring each batch.) When the hoecake is brown on one side, turn it over and brown the other. Serve warm with butter and honey.

 

All In One Dish

This is a simple recipe that doesn’t take long to make.

  • 1 medium cabbage
  • 1 lb. ground beef or turkey
  • 1 chopped onion
  • 1/2 cup uncooked brown rice
  • 1 15 oz can of tomato sauce
  • 1 large can of tomatoes
  • 2 cups of water
  • seasoning, salt, and pepper to taste

Put a little cooking oil or melted butter in the bottom of a pot. Place chopped cabbage, rice, tomato sauce, tomatoes, and water in the pot. Salt and pepper. Cook on medium heat. Meanwhile, brown meat and onions. Stir cooked meat mixture into cabbage. Bring to a boil and then turn to low. Cover and cook for about an hour or a little longer. Make sure your rice is done.

Garlic Green Beans

This green bean recipe is a favorite at the Outpost. We hope you enjoy it, too:

  • 1 teaspoon sea salt
  • 1 pound of green beans, trimmed
  • 1 tablespoon cooking oil
  • 5 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce (optional)

Fill a large pot with water and bring to a boil over high heat. Add salt and green beans; cook for 3 minutes, until tender but still somewhat crisp. Drain.

Heat a large saute pan over medium heat for 2 minutes. Add oil and swirl pan to coat. Add green beans and cook, stirring frequently, until spotted with brown – after that, cook for a couple minutes more. Make a well in the center of the pan and add the garlic, ginger, and red pepper flakes. Stir continuously until fragrant (about 30 seconds) and then mix together with the green beans. Stir in the soy sauce, if you’re using it. Serve immediately.

Flakey Biscuits

Homemade biscuits are about the best-tasting thing a person can eat for breakfast. Here’s a special recipe for them:

Sift the following ingredients together in a large mixer bowl:

  • 4 cups soft whole wheat pastry flour
  • 2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon cream of tartar

Whip in 1 cup of chilled butter in small chunks. Mix in 1 1/2 cups milk.

In this recipe you won’t want to mix very much after adding the milk, or else you could end up with a tough biscuit that does not rise enough. Heat your oven to 375 degrees.

Roll the biscuit dough into proportionate balls and flatten them to about 2 inches thick. Don’t be afraid to put them close together. Bake for 11 minutes, and serve with butter and honey.

Awesome Oatmeal Cookies

This recipe for oatmeal cookies is a favorite here at the Lumberton Outpost. It was hard not to triple-check the recipe!

In a mixing bowl place:

  • 1 cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup plain sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla

Mix the above ingredients in a heavy-duty mixer, whipping until smooth and creamy. Combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl and add to the above mixture until well mixed:

  • 2 1/4 cups soft whole wheat pastry flour
  • 1 cup flaxseed meal
  • 2 1/2 cups rolled oats
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder, plus one heaping pinch

Slowly add while the mixer is running:

  • 2 cups large raisins
  • 2 cups large pieces of walnuts (optional)

Bake at 375 for 8-12 minutes or until done. (We’ve found that it differs from batch to batch, depending on the ingredients. Watch it carefully.)