Hunted in Houston: Boxes or Bags?


Supreme Emperor,

Which do you prefer to hide in, a cardboard box or a paper bag? – Hunted in Houston


I basically know everything.

I basically know everything.

Dear Hunted,

I understand your concern. There are understandably dangerous situations that arise from day to day, including—and not limited to—lizards that get away from you, enraged humans seeking to banish you to Siberia, invasive and curious strays that humans call “visitors,” and worst of all, canines. Boxes and bags serve as shelters, strategic hiding places, and tactical hunting camouflage.

While I live a more dangerous lifestyle than most cats, I think I should mention this: it’s important to perform a box/bag drill every day. In case of a lizard or dog attack, you should have a designated hiding spot that can serve as a long-term shelter. Whichever you choose, it should be comfortable enough to take at least a four-hour nap in.

  1. Nap Approved? If you’re in it for the long haul, make sure that your hiding place is suitable for a four hour nap at the very least. There have been times in my life when I needed to nap in a secure location for over 16 hours. Naps can attack at any moment, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.
  1. Lizard proof? Both bags and boxes can be potentially conducive to lizards. That is why the most important requirement for a hiding place should be if it is lizard proof or not. It is a matter of life or death.
  1. Strength or stealth? Of the two hiding places, boxes are stronger. Bags are stealthier. If you’re out to scare a human in the middle of the night, a shuffling bag flying onto the bed does the trick. Boxes are generally much more cumbersome and altogether eliminate the element of surprise.

I hope this helps, Hunted. Please take this advice to heart, and remember: nap compatibility first. But as for me, I definitely prefer boxes, as they are nearly canine-proof.

I love me too,


Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.

About Hodgkins Clark

Hodgkins is Supreme Emperor of the Universe, and on top of that is a special forces Lizard-Slayer, recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize, "Coolest Monarch of the Century" (Irrational Geographic), and an expert Tree-Conqueror. You can visit his Facebook page,
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