WASHINGTON – After the onset of nuclear war, an epidemic of a lethal airborne respiratory virus that slowly transforms humans into rabid flying squirrels, and the beginning of the end of the world, President Obama said at a Wednesday press conference that he does not have a strategy.
“I don’t want to put the cart before the horse,” he said, “We don’t have a strategy yet.”
He went on to explain, “We need to make sure that we’ve got clear plans, that we’re developing them. At that point, I will consult with Congress and make sure that their voices are heard … but there’s no point in me asking for action on the part of Congress before I know exactly what it is that is going to be required for us to get the job done.”
The President later stated that he will decide when and how to take action in a couple of weeks (assuming the earth is still in existence) after he consults with top political donors and politically correct celebrities, and after several days of intense golfing.
“I can’t rush my decision,” he continued, “Whatever strategy I develop needs to be the right one, for the American people and the world.”
President Obama made no further remarks on the doomsday situation on planet earth nor on his second wearing of a light suit, noting that “it’s five o’ clock and the day is over.”