Public Service Announcement

20140330 Hodgkins smells a flowerDear humans,

Now that spring is in full swing, the vile reptiles that your species calls “lizards” are increasing in numbers. Every day they appear in greater quantities.

Do not be fooled by their apparent cuteness. These creatures can kill you. If you suffer a lizard infestation or a lizard captures your house, it will utterly destroy your furniture in a single fiery blast of its caustic lizard breath. This is only the beginning.

If it accesses your social media, the lizard will destroy the entire internet. If you let it touch your smart phone, it may be resourceful enough to build a missile via a free app and then create a massive transient electromagnetic disturbance.

And it must also be noted that you must never let it get near your microwave or it could develop even more powers from the radioactivity.

If all else fails and the lizard takes over your house, go ahead and blow up your neighborhood. Civilization is more important: it is a question of “when” and not “if” a lizard will create a stash of nuclear warheads in your closet and then proceed to use your living room as a launching pad.

With the advent of spring comes great responsibilities. Do your part and prevent the lizards from taking over.

I love me too,
Supreme Emperor of the Universe;
Chief Executive Lizard-Slayer at Lizard Warrior Service;
Recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize;
Coolest Monarch of the Century (Irrational Geographic);
Expert Tree-Conqueror;
And Your Humble Master.

About Hodgkins Clark

Hodgkins is Supreme Emperor of the Universe, and on top of that is a special forces Lizard-Slayer, recipient of the Snowbell Peace Prize, "Coolest Monarch of the Century" (Irrational Geographic), and an expert Tree-Conqueror. You can visit his Facebook page,
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  1. Benevolent Homeschool Dictator

    Uhh… Hodgkins, there is no radioactivity, or radioactive material, in the microwave. I think you meant to say that they could develop “more powers from the ionizing radiation in the microwave.” But really, that only works in comic books like The Fantastic Four.

    • You must be wrong.

      1. Life is too much like a comic book for this to only work in Fantastic Four.

      2. I’m always right.

  2. Benevolent Homeschool Dictator

    Your human photographer does amazing work. That picture of you by the azaleas is wonderful.

  3. Dear Emperor Hodgkins,

    So glad to find another lizard slayer. I have stalked the little monsters that come around our house. But the wretches do have purpose, and I usually wait to decimate them until lovebug season. We’ll have to meet someday and swap stories.

    Sincerely yours,

    Fluffy Cattius, King of the Hair House

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