The Republicans have officially adopted the praying mantis, a cannibalistic insect with disturbing predatory behavior, as the party symbol.
“It was inherently appropriate,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, “This year’s primaries affirmed our decision to make the switch.”
The praying mantis, if left with no other dining options and/or whenever it feels like it, will resort to eating other mantises. Priebus explained that this attribute made for a resemblance that extends far beyond the previous symbol’s significance.
“Elephants have spectacular long-term memories. Republicans don’t, or else they wouldn’t keep doing the same stupid thing over and over and over again,” said a committee member, “Plus I should mention that praying mantises only pretend to be religious …”
Republicans tend to attack fellow Republicans, a trend that has only worsened over time. Party members explain that many attackers have “no idea when to quit” and will even “attack the platform” of the party, or even refuse to quit rambling after the primaries or runoffs are over.
Mantises also eat their young, a characteristic the Chairman also described as “fitting for our party.” He added in a press release that “…with our continuing difficulties in reaching out to the younger generation, and considering that we basically eat them alive as we cave to detrimental policies, higher taxes, marriage penalties and college-funding debacles, it seemed more than appropriate, but almost necessary.”
Priebus said that the change isn’t a prank.
“Hopefully this embarrassing symbol will motivate those idiots to quit acting like a bunch of cannibals during the primaries and runoffs,” concluded Priebus. “The Committee won’t change it until party members quit eating each other.”