This Addition to the Sméagol series is the first one to be a two-part. The series is purely fictitious and is not canon, so don’t worry about it. For entertainment only.
After losing his job at the restaurant, Sméagol scanned the want ads in the local newspaper. The choice of employment for a creature such as him was very slim.
Gollum: Nothing for poor Sméagol. Nothing at all. No one cares that he is starving! No one cares that he might die! (Scans the paper again) What’s this? Sitter wanted to watch house for weekendses. What’s a sitter, precious? Someone who sitses? We must looks into this.
(Gollum goes down to the address listed. It is a good sized hobbit-hole with a green door. Seeing a hobbit nearby, he asks for directions.)
Gollum: Excuse us. Where are we, precious?
Hobbit: Why, you’re in the shire, strange looking creature.
Gollum: Shire? That soundses familiar somehow. Might as well knock. (Knocks on door)
Gollum: FAT HOBBIT!!!!!
Sam: There’s no need to be insulting. Why, Gollum! I wondered what had happened to you after you fell into that volcano. And then you were at that restaurant. Well, what are you doing here?
Gollum: I found this ad in the paperses. But I don’t know what sitterses mean.
Sam: Oh. Well, it’s someone who watches over a house and makes sure that no one comes in when they’re not supposed to.
Gollum: Is that all? Just watching houseses?
Sam: That’s it.
Gollum: Then we’ll take the jobses.
Sam: Wait, Gollum, it isn’t that easy. See, this is an odd house. Strange things keep happening. We haven’t been able to go on vacation for two months because people keep coming. We haven’t been able to get a sitter.
Gollum: Problemses solved. You need someone to watch the houses, and I need a jobses. Go ahead and take the little hobbitses with you.
Sam: Well, about that…
Sam: We haven’t found a baby sitter either.
Gollum: I don’t understandses.
Sam: This is a trip to Rivendell to listen to the elf music. I can’t really take the children. So I’ve been trying to get a babysitter.
Gollum: What’s the difference betweens a sitterses and a babysitterses?
Sam: I’m not leaving the kids with you, Gollum.
Gollum: (whining) But poor Sméagol just wants to be helpful. Fat hobbitses don’t understands us!
Sam: I understands just fine. I don’t mind you watching our house, but I do mind you watching my children. You might eat them.
Gollum: EATSSS THEM? FAT HOBBIT THINKS I’LL EAT THE LITTLE HOBBITSES? SHAME!
Rosie: Dear, I wish you would stop that noise. I just got the children to bed. Elanor is going to stay up with them. Is this the sitter?
Sam: Well, yes…
Rosie: Wonderful! Now, we must hurry if we’re going to make the coach.
Sam: But dear, I don’t know if this is wise….
Rosie: Oh, Sam, don’t worry so much. Elanor will take care of them. (Turns to Gollum) Thank you very much for coming.
Gollum: Um, you’re welcomses?
Rosie: Now we must be going.
Rosie: Hurry, love! This is one of the last times we can see The Elves before they leave on their over the sea tour! We’ve waited long enough! (Drags Sam away)
(Elanor, a girl hobbit, walks out. She blinks at Gollum)
Elanor: Who are you?
Gollum: What did we get ourselves into, precious?
Will Sméagol survive the job at Bag End? Are Sam’s kids safe? And why did it take so long for Sam to find a sitter? Stay tuned for part 2!