Where we left off, Sméagol was contemplating the job of watching several little hobbits while “Fat Hobbit” Went with Rosie to see the Elves before they went over the Sea. Sméagol was left alone with Elanor, Sam’s oldest hobbit-daughter, and several little hobbits.
Gollum: We shouldn’t eats them, precious, but we is hungry. We has nothing to eat.
Elanor: Would you like me to make you some toast? Or bacon?
Gollum: Baconses, please. And raw.
Elanor: That doesn’t seem quite safe, mister….
Gollum: Sméagol is our name, precious.
Elanor: Mister Sméagol. You probably should cook your food before you eat it.
Gollum: One raw and one cooked, then?
Elanor: I guess I could do that. I’ll be right back.
Gollum: Would he miss one, I wonder? He has so many small hobbitses… (hears a knock on the door) I wonder if that’s him coming back. Good thing I didn’t eat any. (Goes over to the door and opens it)
Dwalin: Good morning. Dwalin at your service. Where’s supper?
Dwalin: Don’t dawdle, lad. Bring supper.
Gollum: All right…(goes over to Elanor at the stove) We is going to need more baconses. There are dwarveses in the parlor.
Elanor: Dwarves in the parlor? But papa isn’t home.
Gollum: We knows this.(Door bangs once more) And it looks like there will be more coming!
Fili: Looks like everyone’s here. Hello! Where’s supper?
Gollum: Why does everyone expect supperses?
Dwalin: It was in the message. Little fellow having the meeting at his house, providing supper, and going to come with us to help rob the dragon.
Gollum: DRAGONSES? What’s it talking about, precious?
Thorin: Everyone! Gandalf said we need to get going immediately. There isn’t much time. He’ll meet us in Bree. I’m sorry, Baggins, but we’ll have to leave now.
Gollum: Bagginses? What does it mean, Bagginses?
Balin: We got the message: Baggins, in the Shire, at Bag End, coming to help us get the dragon.
Gollum: This sounds familiarses…..wait, DRAGONSES! WHAT DRAGONSES??
Elanor: Excuse me…
Fili: All right! Let’s go!
Sam and Rosie come to their house to find it in complete disarray. All the furniture is topsy-turvy and the pantry is empty.
Rosie: What happened here?
Sam: I knew it wasn’t smart to let Gollum watch our house. Now look at all this.
Rosie: But where are our children?
Sam(to himself): Maybe he ate them.
Rosie: SAM! Look, there’s an elf. Sir, have you seen our children?
Legolas: They’ve taken the hobbits to Isengard!
Sam: (to himself) Better there than with that Gollum.
Rosie: How far away is Isengard?
Sam: Here we go again.