Washington Establishes New Embassy


greg abbotWASHINGTON – The United States has decided to reach out a diplomatic hand to the State of Texas, which officials claimed had “felt estranged” for quite some time.


After deciding to ignore 90% of federal laws and suing over another 6%, the Lone Star State is the problem child – or as another Congressman put it, the “wild child” – of the Union.


Washington diplomats are on a mission to restore a working relationship with Texas, which in recent years has been the United State’s third most significant trading partner.


“It’s almost as if their aim is to break away entirely. They’re almost autonomous now, and we’re still at a loss to figure out how they did it and did it without us noticing,” said Dexter Tex, who will be the ambassador to Austin.


“They have become an entirely different entity, it seems, after the President took office in 2009,” said one Louisiana resident.


The estrangement began in the 90s, during Clinton’s tenure, but slowly eased after the former Texas governor became the 43rd president. From 2009-2010, Texans began accumulating reasons to hate Washington as calls for more gun control, welfare spending, military cuts, and border security reductions emanated from the “increasingly leftist” headquarters of the United Nations and the United States.


Chief executive of the State of Texas, Rick Perry has made no comment on the implications of Washington’s latest diplomatic move.


“The reason that we are inching away is because the President puts his foot in his mouth every time he speaks. We can’t be associated with that, it’s way too embarrassing for such a state as this,” said one anonymous Texas representative.


The next move for the state is to back away from its obligations to the United States House of Representatives and Senate as it prepares to secede, rumors say. Washington’s late attempt at diplomacy is expected to provide too little, too late.




About Rachel Clark

Rachel hoards office supplies, has 12.5 hours of Bach on her iPod, and occasionally forgets her own name. Other than that she's a normal person who likes to write.
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